Glums Wareneki Predicament

Dear Leina,

I’m in kind of a predicament. I’ve met a someone from Jant Seid through an online dating site and we’ve been chatting for about a week. Now she wants to meet in person.

I told her that I cook Mennonite food because I'm a Penner. The part about being Mennonite is true but I can’t cook anything really (unless boiling frozen wareneki is considered cooking). I also told her that I have a chalet in a resort which is sort of true. I live in a house-trailer in New Bothwell. What is the best way to fix things without ruining my chances of a relationship? (I can also get New Bothwell cheese at 20% off. Do you think I should tell her about it?)

I should also mention that I'm kind of on the rebound.  I had my heart set on Annie Shellenberg from Altona.  She could make glums wareneki better than my mom and she even knows how to schlacht heena and she washes her car at home to save money!  But she went for my best friend and moved to Bolivia. (I'm still kind of heart-broken)

Yours truly, Jacob...waiting for love in New Bothwell.  

P.S. I could also tell her that I have an account at the credit union if you think it would help my chances. What do you think?

Dear waiting for love,

You are a big boy and don’t need a lecture, so I’ll give it to you straight. Stay away from any more cheesy “New Bothwell ” marketing. You may want to consider downgrading that chalet description as soon as possible. It’s not like you're living on a road allowance in Chortitz, right? So long as you haven’t tried to pass yourself off as a varscht maker you’ll be fine. As far as the cooking, it really doesn’t take any cooking skills to fry forma varscht.   I also think you’d be forgiven for boiling some pre-made wareneki and calling it cooking. Just make sure they are glums wareneki! I think she’d appreciate your efforts.  And don't mention anything about your credit union account if you still need a co-signer. Above all, stop over-marketing yourself as the ultimate Menno man!

Want to impress that new love prospect in your life with some authentic Mennonite cooking?  The Mennonite Treasury cookbook is still available. Check out the link below.

Check out our back issues of the Mennonite Enquirer by clicking on the barn below.

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