Investigation results of the mysterious Woodridge lights to be declassified!

The Mennonite Enquirer has just learned that the Manitoba government is finally set to release its investigation findings into the mysterious “Woodridge lights”. For those who may be too young to remember the disco sounds of the 70s, the Woodridge lights were a strange phenomenon that occurred every night during the summer months between 1971 and 1988. The unexplained occurrences were officially listed as an unidentified illuminated anomaly by the Manitoba government. The results of the investigation were “extremely concerning” and have been locked away for more than 45 years. Now officials have chosen to release all of the results of that investigation. A representative was asked why they’ve chosen to release the previously classified results at this particular time. One of the government officials says, “after the past 3 years, we’ve come to realize that the average public will believe just about anything we say without any facts or conclusive evidence. So now seemed like a good time”.

The Mennonite Enquirer decided to speak with eyewitnesses to verify some of the sightings of the unidentified lights that occurred in Woodridge during the 70s and 80s. “Everyone from Steinbach had heard about the lights” says Tina Schroeder. "Henry and I were dating at the time and he suggested that we should go and check them out. Henry decided to pick up a bottle of Seagrams and a few coolers in La Broquerie on the way there. He said it would help to steady our nerves. I remember that night clearly because I was wearing my Puma runners, jean shorts and pink boob-tube for the first time. Henry really liked that outfit. I was pretty scared as we waited out in the bush for the mysterious lights to appear.  Henry said he'd protect me and held me real close.  We were in his parents Chrysler New Yorker Fifth Avenue.  It had air conditioning and really nice reclining plush seats!  They bought it new at Steinbach Dodge and Henry was allowed to drive it on weekends. Anyway.....

The Chrysler 5th Avenue that tried to outrun the Woodridge lights.

Suddenly strange lights appeared in the distance.  It was astonishing!  The lights were bright white and headed right for us! We both panicked and Henry started the Chrysler to try and outrun the lights!  We could't! Henry lost control of the car and we found ourselves in the ditch! We were stuck! The lights were suddenly on top of us and they began flashing blue and red!  Then a strange alien shape walked up to our car and began tapping on the glass.  We then heard a voice say, "drivers and registration please".  It was Constable John Dyck from the Steinbach detachment!  It was a little embarrassing.  And well, you can imagine the rest" says Tina.  

So it would appear that the Woodridge lights had a lasting effect on the young extraterrestrial researchers from Steinbach. Tina recounts. "A few weeks after we went looking for the Woodridge lights, I started feeling sick every morning! Henry eventually paid off the fines and the tow job because he was making good money at C.T. Loewen's. We eventually decided on a dusty rose wedding and Pioneer Inn did the catering with a complete meal of fried chicken, coleslaw and tweibach.  My grandma supplied the rhubarb platz. It saved us about $75 on the catering.

We got over $1500.00 for wedding presentation which just about covered the damage to his parents car.  Thinking about it now, it's kind of silly.  A dusty rose wedding!? Seriously?! What was I thinking"!?

So what about the others eyewitness?  Did they also simply head out for a Woodridge tryst of misadventure and late night frolicking? All the shocking details will be revealed in an upcoming edition of the Mennonite Enquirer!

Click on the farmer sausage to check out our line of coffee mugs.

Clink on the barn below to check out other articles from the Mennonite Enquirer.

Would you like to learn more Plautdietsch? The ultimate low German dictionary ever published is still available.   This amazing dictionary is the most complete reference of a language that was only used verbally for almost 500 years. Professor Jack Thiessen undertook the immense project of putting together a definitive and comprehensive dictionary to preserve this unique language. It makes a great gift for the younger generation who would like to learn and understand the spoken low German language of their parents and grandparents.   It also makes a great gift for those who have forgotten many of the unique words and Plautdietsch phrases that have been used by Mennonites in the past 5 centuries. Order your copy and enjoy Plautdietsch like never before!

Be sure to follow The Menno Tribune to make sure you don't miss out on the Plautdietsch word of the day and other stories and articles.

You haven't done that yet?  Na oba!  Click on Leina and Hein below and it will take you to the Menno Tribune and hit the "follow" button. Daut es emm sonnst! And remember to forward the Menno Tribune facebook link to your friends and frintshoft!


Older Post Newer Post

Leave a comment

Please note, comments must be approved before they are published