Are you a vegetarian who feels that you have to be content with disgusting plant based food that doesn’t even remotely resemble meat? If so, you are not alone. Millions of vegetarians the world over have sought to enjoy a “meaty” meal that actually tastes more like meat. Recently, the world health organization has suggested that the world should switch its main food source to proteins found in bugs. It would seem that the best of both worlds is upon us!
Mennonites near Rosthern Saskatchewan have revealed a simple method of converting bugs and plants into delicious meat! Ed Giesbrecht, a local area farmer, says the process is centuries-old. “We Mennonites have been implementing this process for generations”, says Ed. “It’s really not that complicated. You take bug protein and feed it to the chickens. Then you “schlacht” the chickens when they are big enough and you’ll have delicious meat and enough bones left over to make heena sup”.
Apparently a similar process works for producing “vegetarian beef”. Mennonites near Lethbridge Alberta have revealed a way to turn naturally occurring grass into delicious plant based AAA grade sirloin meat! Jacob Wiebe says, “all you do is turn cattle onto pasture-land and they naturally begin grazing. It’s surprising that not everyone knows this. You generally get klopps fleesh after about a year”. Leading scientists from Ottawa were "udderly" amazed at the centuries-old process.
Vegetarian varshct? The Mennonites have come up with this innovative process as well. Pigs will eat just about anything, including discarded watermelon rinds and whatever chickens leave behind. “It’s the most environment friendly meat on the planet”, says John Thiessen from Aylmer Ontario. “We enjoy all kinds of delicious proteins after the pigs have processed the bugs and plant based chop into schwiens-fleesch. We get varscht, crackles, head cheese, rep-spea and enough schmolt to last a year”!
Varscht (farmer sausage) made with the centuries-old process.
So there you have it! Vegetarians can now enjoy, rint-fleesh, heena sup and varscht once again! It all begins with plants and bugs.
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