Cost of a crocheted toaster oven, $1.00
Cost of crocheted pair of shorts, $1.50
Seeing the reaction from people as you walk along Steinbach Main Street...PRICELESS!
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Sources say that the Edmonton NHL team may be enlisting the help of Mennonites to reclaim the success of their former glory days. A leaked document reveals their new name as the Edmonton Eadschoken. For those who may not know, eadschocken are potatoes. A spokesperson said, “we felt that we wanted a new name that more reflected our game. And everyone loves potatoes”, he says.
The famous NHL arena has already started making changes based on the Mennonite recommendations. The refurbished arena will be known as “Menno Place” in the next hockey season. Many remember visiting their grand parents in various homes called “Menno Place”. It seems entirely applicable in a way. “It will be completely normal if the team plays like seniors in an old folks home” says an unnamed source.
The new team colors will be black and white or navy and white. So hockey fans can get ready to knack some serious sot in Alberta with the new Edmonton Eadschocken!
At Oba Yo, we are a team of writers and designers that are passionate about Mennonite heritage. Would you like to support our work? Purchase any one of our items from the Oba Yo store. Click on the waffles below to browse our selection of funny Mennonite heritage products and other gifts.
The Mennonite Enquirer has just learned that Mennonites are now being allowed to dance without fear of being banished from the community. Many thought it would never happen. Effective July 1st, Mennonites will be able to publicly slow dance, tango, foxtrot, polka or twist the night away without being reprimanded by the Gemeinde.
After much research, experts have concluded that drinking does not lead to dancing. In fact, you have less time to engage in intoxicating beverages if you are on the dance floor. There is also no conclusive evidence that dancing leads to more romantic nocturnal activities (much to the disappointment of some Mennonites).
There are however conditions to the dancing bylaw being repealed. Gemeinde leaders have stated that “dirty dancing” will not be tolerated. So to all the Henrys, Johns, Peters, Erdmans and the like,.. you may want to reconsider any “Patrick Swayze” moves while heating up your dance shoes.
Mrs Corny Plett has already dug out some of her old dance LPs which have been hidden in storage for many years.
The following are Mennonite guidelines in the new age of dance: Couples should allow no more than ½ full body contact during waltzes. Kissing and other displays of intimacy while dancing are also seriously discouraged. This restriction has brought about the ire of many. Mrs. Peter Zuderman says, “you mean after waiting all these years, we’re not allowed a little French kissing while dancing?! I think that's discrimination!” Mrs. John Peters however, is more in agreement with the suggestion, saying, “John can have his usual fun any old time. But when we’re on the dance floor, we should focus on dancing”.
It appears that cultural barriers are also being broken down with the repeal of the self imposed legalism. The Chjanls Rampel-shu says, “it was never fair that only Chortitzer couples were allowed to go dancing and us Sommerfelders had to be content with sipping yerba on the lawn swing”!
Here are the opinions from some of the local residents:
Mary Sawatzky says, “It’s exciting actually. The only dance I ever knew was the Mennonite two step". Some called it the pregnancy polka”. When asked about this obscure dance, Mrs. Sawatsky replied with a smile, “lots of us girls knew it. Step one was, get married and step two was, get pregnant. Or, maybe it was the other way around.?.? Some of us got the two steps mixed up. I’m actually looking forward to learning Chortitzer Tango. Erdman is a very virile man and I can hardly wait to see what he does with me”. And then there’s Betty Thiessen who says, “as long as I get to lead, things will be just fine. Peter couldn’t dance his way out of the back barn door if I let him lead. You gotta show men how things are done”, Betty adds with a smile.
And with that, here are the Mennonite Enquirer exclusive Chortitzer dance moves.
Have fun with the special dance partner in your life with this totally funny Mennonite Birthday card. Click on image below to find the answer to that age old question: Did drinking lead to dancing?