It is well known that Mennonites are some of the most romantic people around. Until now however, the Mennonites refused to give up their secrets to the world. But now, in this Mennonite Enquirer exclusive, we reveal the results of our two-year probe into these sometimes-secretive people of romance.
(WARNING! MAY CONTAIN GRAPHIC ROMANTIC DETAILS. READER DISCRETION ADVISED)
Jacob Schellenberg says, “it’s the little things that make a difference; like not letting one go in bed, not complaining when faspa isn’t ready and expressing some niceties, like complimenting my wife on her kompst borscht. Just call me an old fashioned romantic kind of guy”, says Jacob.
And then there’s Erdman Penner. To surprise his wife, Ed cooked a whole farmer sausage in the shape of a heart. “It was so beautiful” says Erdman. "All that was left for Leina to do was to make keilke with schmaunt-fat"
These secrets may have been unbridled passion in Jant Sied but the Mennonite Enquirer kept pressing on in it's quest to discover the "Da Vinci Code" of Mennonite romance.
Next we talked to Mrs. Peter Plett. “What really does it for me is when Peter puts on a clean pair of pants and a clean shirt. I still get that old fashioned romantic feeling, when I smell Avon aftershave, ” says the Plat-shu.
In this Mennonite Enquirer, we’ve finally revealed the source of the unbridled love secrets of the Mennonites. And maybe....just maybe,...the most romantic expression of love is...."schlapst?" (are you asleep?)
*The use and implementation of these romantic practices is recommended at your own discretion.
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